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Monday the 21st of February 2011

12:51 PM

Llanelli is weird

  • Mood:
  • Music: 2-4-6-8 Motorway

Saturday contained a few adventures. I went to my mate's pub, it was quite quiet and relaxed, which usually leads to someone getting bored and doing something stupid. A few of the boys were playing beer pong (where you have to bounce a ping pong ball on the pool table to land in a cup of beeer at the other end of the table), while others had been to the curry house and were eating curry and watching the game. It was a gentle game, as they were only using one can of lager to fill six glasses and there were two people on each team so no one was going to get in too much of a state from it. That was until someone suggested adding half a pint of vindaloo to the set up.

Whoever suggested it had their timing all wrong as I'd just decided to have a game. It was the most nerve-raking thing I've ever done. Thankfully, the other guy on my team ended up having to drink our vindaloo. He's the one who bought the curry in the first place so it was his own fault. He did manage to get to the toilet in time and I have the moment recorded on my phone. A couple of shots later, I managed to land the ping pong ball into the opponents' vindaloo so they had to drink it. The guy who did that actually took it was and wasn't sick. He doesn't like curry but he does play rugby.

I went to a couple of other pubs after that and ended up going to meet the boys from the first pub after they had shut. I don't know what had happened to the landlord of the first pub since I left there but I saw him leaning against the wall of a pub with his eyes closed. As I got close he saw me and tried to walk towards me. That turned out to be too tricky a manouver for him and he ended up walking sideways into the middle of the road, in front of a taxi. Thankfully the taxi stopped in time and he did manage to stay on his feet.

I didn't think he'd be able to make it back to his house so I offered to walk him home. We only walked to the end of the street when he said, "right, I'm home now" and walked into a Chinese takeaway. I went into the take away with him and as the people working there said they knew him and would get him home safely, I went back to the pub. I had a pint in the pub before it closed and then I joined the rest of the boys who went to the Chinese for a takeaway. The landlord had left by then and I didn't see him asleep in asda's car park so I assume he got home safely.

As it was getting late by then, I walked passed the nightclub to see my mate the dj. He was waiting for his taxi outside the club so I stopped for a chat. After a while we noticed that everyone who had left the club was now standing on the other side of the road staring at the club. Six cop cars then turned up so we went across the find out what was happening. Apparently someone had climbed onto the roof of the club. I couldn't see anyone apart from a couple of cops leaning out of a top floor window. I was told the guy was hiding behind the air conditioning unit on the balcony. I couldn't see him so I started filming it on my phone incase I could spot something later on. A policewoman told me to stop filming or she'll confiscate my phone and as I couldn't see anything I stopped filming and went home.

I shall be loading the videos onto youtube today.

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Friday the 18th of February 2011

5:42 PM

Good practice, bad quiz

last night Band practice. Everyone enjoyed. The new guitarist is cleaver, witty, a good guitarist and he didn't nick anything so the complete opposite of the last one. Aparrently the last guitarist has now been kicked out of his house by his landlord for being a druggie and he's living rough somewhere. He did send me an email to say that he's now bought a guitar though.

After band practice in the back room of the pub, I went to the quiz in the front room of the pub. Things started well, we were 3 points up at the half way stage but then they started to go wrong. They had an xbox in and one of the rounds was band hero, we lost a lot of points as the guy from our team who was singing didn't know that you had to tap the mic in time with the song during solos and no one told him until he'd finished. The main problem I had was that the rest of the team were all in good moods because the weather was nice and they all got hammered drinking Dragonbights (half a real ale and half a strongbow).

This meant that instead of answering the questions they spent the second half of the quiz drawing cocks on our quiz sheet and discussing what improvements could be made to their art. This meat that it was difficult for me for hear the questions and get them to write down the correct answers. We lost by a point in the end. We dropped three points because of the word 'the'. We had the answer to a question about the film as The Gamer, when it should have been just Gamer. We also lost points on the guess the intros round by missing out thes at the begining of Cardigans and Winner Takes it All.
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Monday the 14th of February 2011

5:41 PM

Another guitarist out

Friday Went to the rock pub to watch a band. The new guitarist from my band was there. He was asking everyone in the pub to buy him beer, mainly people that he didn't know. One daft sod (who's on the dole and has no money himself) did and as he'd now got a pint in his hand, he thought whenever he was getting close to finishing it, he could swap that for any other beer that had been left unattended in the pub. He even stole a pack of fags from someone's pocket and tried to sell them back to him.

He was eventually banned from the pub after asking someone at the bar to buy him a beer and when the bloke refused, he asked if he had any drugs for sale. If he had money to buy drugs, I don't know why he couldn't afford his own beer. Anyway, the landlady heard this exchange so banned him from the pub. As he was getting kicked out I heard him say that he couldn't be banned as he practices with a band in the backroom of the pub. I sneaked off to the toilets so that I didn't have to get involved. Anyway, he's out of the band now, not for being a skank and a thief but because he wore a vest to the pub.
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Wednesday the 9th of February 2011

5:40 PM

The band's struggling

last night Band practice. Not a good one. We didn't get anything done and I'm going to have to get rid of the new guitarist. He doesn't own any guitar equipment apart from a plectrum. He borrowed my guitar and leads, the landlord of the pub where we practice's amp and our bass player's distortion pedal. As the amp he borrowed isn't any good, we couldn't hear him so I don't know if he can even play guitar. I suspect he can't as the only thing I've heard from him is between songs when we're trying to talk, he'll play the same four chords over and over and claim it was one of his songs.

The main problem I've got with his guitaring is that he doesn't know how to play any chords or notes. We were playing one of our songs and I told him it was very basic just four chords played over and over in the same order (just like his song). So I told him to play A D B F and just repeat that and he said that he didn't know anything about the letters as he was self taught. God help him when I ask him to solo over a mixolydian scale in G.
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Thursday the 13th of January 2011

4:52 PM

5-a-side catch up

  • Mood:
Somehow, after getting two wooden spoons in our first two seasons and always ending up near the bottom of the league, we've started to win matches. Last night's 6-1 win was our fourth win in a row. It's strange because the only change in personnel is that the one player on our team who is any good at football has moved to Qatar.

Halfway through the season, we're third in the division. Our big local rivals, the Nomads, are top of the division without losing a game but they have had three walkovers after teams dropped out of the league just before they were meant to play them.

Last week's result was strange. There's usually at least ten goals scored in a match but we won this game 1-0. I'm sure our goal actually went in through the side netting. Our lowest scoring game before that was 3-3. 7 games left and we're in danger of being promoted. Here's the team website if you want to keep up with our results. http://www.clubwebsite.co.uk/sportinglesbian01020304/
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Monday the 10th of January 2011

5:58 PM

Charity gig

  • Mood:
  • Music: Sweet Home Aberavon

Saturday. Our band's backing singers are in a theatre group. They had arranged a charity show on Saturday mainly so that people who don't get leading roles or solos in their shows could have a chance to take centre stage. The first half of the gig was two acts of songs from musicals, the second half had a few bands playing.

We were told to be at the venue with our equipment at 2pm to set up and sound check. Our guitarist has access to a van so he told me he'd pick me up. There was no sign of him by 2:30pm so I phoned him and he said he was on his way. He eventually picked me up in his little hatchback. We had no chance of getting my stuff, his stuff, the bass player's stuff and the pa system in that but he said he was just picking me up on the way to get his van. When we got to his house, the first thing I noticed was the lack of a van. After phoning round everyone he could think of, we eventually realised that his dad had disappeared with the van and there was no knowing when he would show up. We phoned the drummer, who was already at the venue to tell him the problem. He was going to pick us up, take as much stuff down in his estate car as he could and them go back for the bass player.

We did manage to get all the guitar equipment in the little hatchback so when the drummer turned up we arranged with him for him to pick up the bass player and the pa system. Obviously as soon as everything was arranged, the guitarist's dad turned up with the van. It was too late by then as we had most of our stuff stuff packed up and a plan in place.

The venue, known locally as the Tin Hut, was a social club in the rough part of town. We have played there before and it's a big venue with a large stage and dressing rooms. Everyone finally made it to the venue around 3:30pm and we unloaded our equipment onto the stage. It took an age to set up the pa system but the sound engineer (our bass player) only wanted to sound test the drums so we moved the rest of the equipment into the changing rooms. The owner of the club said that he had to lock the venue and pull the shutters over the windows as the local kids regularly broke in and smashed the place up. I thought it would be safer to keep my equipment on stage where someone could keep an eye on it so I moved it back again. As we weren't due on stage until 9pm and we weren't sound checking, me and the other guitarist went home and arranged to meet up later.

We went to the venue at around 8pm. I wasn't expecting the crowd that was there. The place was full and we had to sit at the back of the venue with the rest of the band as they were the only seats left. The singers were very good and I particularly liked the drag act singing a song from Young Frankenstein. I was also impressed with the rapping capabilities of our other backing singer ( they did the newer version of Lady Marmalade as it was in Moulen Rougue). By the time the musicals part of the show was over, we were about an hour behind schedule.

Originally three bands were due to play but only two of us were there so we should have had enough time for us both to play almost full sets. There was another chap who was going to due a few songs on the acoustic guitar but we didn't think that would take much time up so we weren't too bothered. I don't know whether the problem was with him setting up or with our bass player setting up the pa but he didn't start for another hour, by which time most of the audience had left. As the bar was shutting at 11:30pm we didn't think that there was enough time for both bands and the other band said that they'd drop out.

It was my favourite gig with the band although I did have problems with my feather boa. I would have been okay if I'd stuck with our backing singer's feather boa but someone from the crowd wanted me to wear his. Unfortunately, his was a cheap pound shop type that kept on sticking to me and losing feathers everywhere. The other bad point was that the songs we cut from our set were the ones were I had solos. This was our first gig where we had people dancing all the way through and the crowd cheering for an encore at the end. I thought that we'd now have time for an encore as the other band had agreed not to play but I was told that there were two acts on after us.

They did have time for the other band plus the drag act from the musicals part of the show wanted to sing some Take That. I didn't think there was any point on him coming back on stage to sing a couple of karaoke tunes but he seemed a very theatrical type so I didn't want to upset him. He tried to do three songs but thankfully one of the organisers managed to get him off stage before he started the third. The other band played your typical pub rock tunes; Status Quo, Sweet Home Aberavon and the like but were made even more entertaining by the amount that their bass player/singer had drunk.

By the time we had packed everything away and taken the van back, we manage to get into town for one last beer. I didn't realise how scary town is on a Saturday night when you haven't been drinking.

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Friday the 12th of November 2010

4:22 PM

Controversial quiz

  • Mood:
  • Music: Kenny Loggins - Danger Zone
This week's theme was the 80s. Last time they had the 80s as the theme for the quiz, I won by a mile as everyone else was too young to remember the decade. Last night most of the crowd were my age so it wasn't such a foregone conclusion. Getting the teams sorted was confusing enough. The girl who sings in my band didn't want to go on her usual team as she always ends up being the only one to answer questions and still has to share her winnings with the rest. She decided to join a team of the over 30s. Which meant that the over 30s team had seven members. The other two teams had three members and one member. I left that team to join the guy who was on his own.

A little later on a gang of blokes turned up and joined our team. As the over 30s team consisted of six girls and a bloke, he also decided to join our team to make it boys against girls. That meant we now had seven members. I left that team to join a team with a guy sitting at the bar on his own.

At the half way stage the girls had 25 points, the blokes had 24 points, my team had 23 points and the youngsters' team had started to wish they hadn't turned up. During the break I noticed a mistake on our answer sheet which meant that we were now also only a point behind the girls.

The second half of the quiz was quite easy and not many points were dropped until the intros round where you also had to say what year the song was released. When the scores were announced I was surprised to find out that the girls finished in third and my team won by quite a margin. We won £13 between us.

Unfortunately the girl who sings in my band checked her team's answer sheet and noticed that I had forgotten to add the scores for one of the rounds to their total which meant that they won by half a point. We gave the money back and she shared it between her team. Then I checked our sheet and noticed that we hadn't been given the bonus point for naming the correct year of release of the songs that were played in the break so we won by half a point. This is were the trouble started as only two of the girls' team would give the money back. I tried to get the money back, then the girl who sings in my band tried and the quiz master tried but they still refused. They've been banned from the quiz but this is the only time that they've turned up so I don't think they care.
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Monday the 1st of November 2010

5:42 PM

Gig Weekend

  • Mood:
  • Music: Thriller

I didn't go to see Resando last Friday. I wanted to and I tried to but I missed them. I didn't expect a band to travel all the way from Italy for a gig in a West Wales pub and end up first on the bill. It's their own fault. Apparently they're a techno goth band in the style of Nine Inch Nails and because their set up is so complicated they had to be first on the bill to give the sound man enough time to get everything working. I did meet them after the gig and managed to blag a cd but I haven't got round to listening to it yet. The other two bands on the bill were shit.

I also missed a band that I wanted to see on Saturday, Alien Stash Tin. This one would have been easier to see as my band were suppose to be their support act. We couldn't play as our drummer works shifts and he wasn't available.

Instead I played bass for a Michael Jackson tribute act. We were okay. We hadn't had much practice before the gig. I had learnt all my parts but struggled to remember them on the night; our singer had been in a wedding before the gig so we didn't start until late and I'd had a few beers by then. Fortunately, the backing track that we used for the sound effects, was different to the one we had practised with and had a louder bass line so I could get away with miming when I got lost.

I could have still caught the Alien Stash Tin gig but I ended up going to another pub to sing karaoke (I sang Love Gravy by Rick James). I did meet up with the band after the gig and managed to blag a cd. I already had one copy from the last time I saw them, this one was to get them more gigs in town.


I also had a gig on Sunday. It didn't go that well, mainly due to my hang over. It was our first gig outside of town and originally it looked like we would be down from a seven piece to a four piece. One of out singers had lost her voice, another one was in a show and the guitarist didn't think he could make it. Everyone turned up on the night though. I went up in the car with the bass player who said he knew where the venue was. He didn't. We stopped to phone the headlining band for directions and as is customary in these circumstances, we were parked around the corner from it.

As we were now back up to seven members in the band, we couldn't all fit on stage. The three singers had to stand in front of the stage and I had a small, dark corner on the stage. As I was hungover I wasn't too sure what was going on but the guitarist from the headlining band was keeping an eye on me. He thought that my guitar was slightly out of tune so he offered to tune it before we started. The first chord I struck as we were about to start got the entire pub grimacing so he tuned it again with his stage tuner. I had already started to piss the audience off and I didn't help get myself back in their good books with my performance that night. I was worried about falling off the stage as I only had a small corner of it so I didn't move at all, plus my corner was so dark that I couldn't see my guitar and so kept on playing barre chords on the wrong fretts.

It wasn't just me though, something went wrong with the other guitarist's amp so we had to stop half way through the set to get that fixed. That's when most of the audience left. My biggest cock up though, was in our last song. We had got to the outro without too much problem but I had completely forgotten how the outro went. I eventually picked some of it up from the bass player but by then, the singers had missed their cue to come in. When we had to change to the next part of the song, I was completely lost. The headlining band, who were watching us from the audience, said they saw me looking confused, shaking my head and turning the volume off on my guitar. It was probably our worst gig since we were a three piece punk band with me singing but it was my own fault for booking us a gig on a Sunday when I knew I had a hectic Saturday night planned.

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Thursday the 26th of August 2010

12:55 PM

Sporting Lesbian vs Bolskie Bulldogs

  • Mood:
The Bulldogs are a new team this season and so have not got the hang of 5-a-side tactics yet. They spent most of the first half with four players in attack and none in defence. Unfortunately, Sporting were unable to get their through-balls to the unmarked forwards and when they did, the forwards were not able to hit the target. Sporting finished the first half 2-0 up but they had plenty of opportunities for more goals. 
In the second half, the Bulldogs committed more people to defence and Sporting committed more to attack, which meant that Sporting were caught on the break on numerous occasions although Bolskie Bulldogs could only manage one goal from all their chances. The turning point came late on in the game when Sporting Lesbian had possession of the ball at the edge of the Bulldogs' area with all the Lesbos' players in attack. The final ball went astray, the Bulldogs counter-attacked against an empty defence and levelled the game at 2-2.
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Thursday the 24th of June 2010

3:55 PM

Sporting Lesbian vs Swiss Valley Park Rangers

  • Mood:
last night Footie. We're now over halfway through the season and Sporting Lesbian are in 6th position in the premiership despite not having won a game all season. We've had four walkovers due to teams dropping out of the league. Last night we were playing against the team at the top of the league. To make matters worse we were missing three players; one had had graduated from uni that day and so he was out drinking, one had gone away on holiday and the goalkeeper (the only one of the team who is actually any good at football) had falling off the scaffolding in work. 

As the Nomads were on just before us, one of their players stayed behind to play in goals for us so at least we had one substitute. We started well and the first half finished without any goals being scored; I don't think this has ever happened before. The other team scored two quick goals in the second half and eventually won 5-1 but it wasn't a bad performance from us. 

I nearly died by the end of the game. The rules allow for as many substitutions as you want during the game but you can't make changes during the last minute of the half. I was struggling and needed to go off but I thought I heard the ref call for the last minute of the game. I thought I could struggle on for a minute but the ball kept on being passed to me, more than during the rest of the season. It seemed like the longest minute ever until the ref called for the last minute. I obviously hadn't heard him call earlier and I could have gone off for a rest. 

I'm in the process of ordering polo shirts for the team as I think we'd be better off in the leisurewear industry than football. It goes to show the physique of the team when I'm ordering 5 extra large, 1 large and 2 small. The two small shirts are for the two 36 year olds on the team. 
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